Exploring Defeat

Image of compassionate psychiatrist comforting her crying patient

Earlier this month, life gave me the opportunity to explore defeat. Have you been in that place before?  I’m sure everyone has, and quite possibly a number of times.

Clients often ask me how I work through tough times and so when I do have them, I pay close attention to my process, so I can use it to help others.  Below are my ponderings as I traveled through this experience …..

I think about defeat and I feel defeat, and it’s uncomfortable to say the least.

My Inner Critic runs wild, she tells me “You see, you really couldn’t do it.”  “You see, I told you so”.  She says, “Who do you think you are anyway?”

My Inner Victim has a whole other voice and says things like “It’s not all my fault, I can’t be fully responsible for that”.

My Magical Child says “But everything was feeling so good, what went wrong?”  That’s when my Inner Critic jumps back in and says “You should have known better”.  This goes on and on, and they go round and round in circles.

Have you ever had those internal conversations before, where you feel like there are so many different voices?  There is a way through this…

I have learned to pause and sit back into myself and be a witness to all the different aspects of me. I listen to the conversations about defeat play out in front of me.

I sit with these thoughts and I tune into my body. Where does this feeling sit? I feel it in my solar plexus.  I feel it deeply, like a heavy lump just below my rib cage.  I know this feeling.  It triggers memories of times gone by when my body has felt the same way.  This experience is not an experience by itself, it is also triggering memories of all the previous times of self judgment.

So here I am, witnessing myself having all these conversations, witnessing this experience of triggering old wounds, and witnessing myself as the one who has discomfort in the stomach.

For a while I try to run away, let’s eat something. That should suppress it.  No, not working.  I know bourbon on the rocks. That will be the answer! Hmmm, a little bit better for a moment, oh no… it’s all back again.

And so I sit with it, and I accept the invitation to NOT suppress it. Rather to be in the experience, be WITH the experience.  I meditate and I’m reminded that within every experience there is always a gift, even the uncomfortable experiences… especially the uncomfortable experiences!

It’s a gift of showing the part of us that needs to heal, the part that perhaps hangs out in the shadows not seen and not wanting to be seen.  These uncomfortable experiences bring the need for healing to the forefront.

In my meditation I’m reminded of the fact that everything is on track and that this is the way it’s meant to be and it’s the way it’s meant to unfold.  And that the way I respond to the moment is absolutely 100% up to me.

So with this broader view, the reminders and these new feelings of certainty, I start to witness myself and the energy of ‘defeat’ of times gone by that sits in my solar plexus, and work on how to shift this feeling. How do I shift the energy, this blockage?

I draw on every resource I have….

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I breathe into it, rather than to push it down.  I breathe into the discomfort, I breathe through this discomfort.

I use essential oils on my skin and other technologies to shift my vibration.

I exercise, I shake, I move.  I use my physical body to move my energy body and therefore move the emotions.

I eat lightly and mindfully.

I come back to my inner voices and I ask them what they need.  I check in on what they believe.  Is it the belief of ‘not being enough’?  Is it the belief of ‘not being understood’? Is it a belief of ‘not knowing enough’?

As I work with my body and mind, I also work to reprogram my subconscious mind to clear the underlying beliefs that I have previously created.  As I shift my subconscious mind, my body and mind begin to balance.  The energy and emotion in my belly begin to subside.

I breathe deeply into the feeling, through the feeling but where am I going?  I’m returning to my center, to my Core Essence.

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I’m breathing through to the core of who I am, I am returning to that whole, peaceful, compassionate and loving center.  I sit in that place in me, and from here, it’s true to say I give thanks for the experience. I thank the experience for guiding me to focus on the wounds that live in the shadows, and I feel that everything is absolutely on track.

The beauty of this experience was that in the end, IT WAS NOT DEFEAT AT ALL.  In fact, it was a wondrous step forward for everyone involved.  Thanks Life!

The key here is to LEAN into the experience, rather than suppress it or run away.  What are you being called to explore?  What is your discomfort wanting you to heal?

Love and Wisdom