Category Archives: Uncategorized

What will you take with you, Wounds or Wisdom?

For many of us, 2018 has been a tough year.  It seems that there has been a continuous stream of challenges, some small, some big.  I found myself saying a few weeks ago when yet another family member had an accident ….
“Ok, this is getting silly now, enough already!” and, “I have never, in all my life, reached the end of a year and been ready for it to be OVER!”

This doesn’t really sound like me does it!  They tell me there is something astrological going on, with solar flares impacting us ….. OK, enough already!

But the truth is as one year ticks over and a new one takes hold, it comes back to us, and how we approach our life.

I have received many amazing lessons this year and with each learning comes new wisdom.  This wisdom is available for all of us if we are willing to step out of our drama and see the situation from a different perspective.

As you know, I believe in the power of words and thoughts to create our reality.  So I’m stepping back, resetting and approaching these last couple of weeks from a much lighter and merrier perspective. 

My intention is to celebrate the wisdom gained from the year and not focus on the wounds.  From this more centered state, I know that my life will have more flow.  My festive gatherings will be joyful rather than just another thing to get through.

I offer this as a suggestion to you too. 

As we let go of the wounds and sit in the wisdom, gratitude can arise. 

Gratitude for all that is, even the tough bits. 

With this gratitude we are sending out positive vibrations into the world, affecting our future possibilities. 

I hope you get to take some time off over Summer.  I plan to take a few weeks off, returning to work January 21st. Farm, family, friends and beach…. Here I come!

Finally, although I may not see you all that often, I want to let you know you are always in my heart.

Love, Wisdom and Blessings
Merry Merry
Mandy

Can Trust Be Found once it is lost?

Trust is a huge part of our lives whether we know it or not.  From the most basic view point we trust life every time we release our breath, we trust that there will be more air to breathe in.  

When you think deeply into it, trust is quite complicated and so often it is tied up in what we expect of others.  We expect our parents will provide unconditional love, and when they can’t, we feel let down and then we begin to question:

  • Can I trust others to love me?
  • Am I actually loveable at all?
  • I must not be worthy of love! Etc. etc. etc.

When another lets us down, trust is lost.  The impact of this is dependent on the extent and timing of the trauma or incident.  What we experience at an early age becomes the belief structures, that then play out throughout an entire life if they are not addressed.

If we are bullied extensively at school or home, the trauma often results in a lack of trust in general. 

  • Not trusting that I can feel safe (ever).
  • Not trusting that decent human beings actually exist.
  • Not trusting if someone offers me support, and if I do let them in, when is it going to turn bad!

As a consequence of these experiences, we often put up barriers and never show vulnerability to anyone.  The problem of course is that this cuts people off, and cuts off the potential for new and better relationships which can actually help to heal us.  We know that new and improved relationships often help to shift your beliefs of the world and the people in it. 

….. So let’s look at this in terms of the bigger picture.  If this sounds like you, what is life calling you to heal?  Who are you becoming as you take on this healing journey?  My view is that you are not becoming anything new.  I think you are uncovering the person you have always been beneath the survival strategies and negative beliefs.

Some one said to me this week “So I need to strip away what others have told me about who I am, and what I’ve decided I am by being with them, and see what’s there” Yes, what a great way of putting it!  We find out who we are beneath all that, at our Core ….. we experience our Core Essence.

A lack of trust occurs as a consequence of negative life experiences either big or small.  It can manifest in never wanting to go out alone, keeping people at a distance and hording money etc etc.  Beneath this is our innate nature, the part of us that trusts life and everything in it fully.  Before you reject this idea, let’s explore it a little. 

A baby/child trusts totally until it learns otherwise, doesn’t it?  This is not to say we should go out into the world being so trusting like a child that we make unwise choices.  The reason a baby is so trusting is because he assumes that everyone else around him feels open, happy and keen to love and connect, just like he does.  She doesn’t question her self worth or whether she is lovable, she just IS.

I like the idea that we could be in the world like this, open and trusting so fully that we know that everyone has our best interest at heart because, ultimately, everyone actually DOES.  But let’s get a grip, life is not like that.  So we need to take the wisdom of our life lessons and find our way to connect into our innate trust again and combine the two.

Go and do what you love, for example go to the beach alone, and do it where you know others are around if that’s important to you.  Say yes to dinner, don’t drink too much and drive yourself home if that’s important to you. 

Be open and full of potential, while remaining wise and discerning about how to live life.

How do we do this?  We unravel the story, understand the traumas and beliefs and how they are stored in our body-mind.  We work to release them emotionally, mentally and energetically.    In this way, the wounded patterns have less of a hold on us and we can begin to show up differently in the world.

Your innate nature is to trust and be peaceful within yourself.  If you need help finding that place in you, please come and visit.  You are whole and amazing beneath your wounds and negative belief systems, and it’s deeply healing when you truly know this about yourself and others.

Love and Wisdom

Mandy  

Exploring Defeat

Image of compassionate psychiatrist comforting her crying patient

Earlier this month, life gave me the opportunity to explore defeat. Have you been in that place before?  I’m sure everyone has, and quite possibly a number of times.

Clients often ask me how I work through tough times and so when I do have them, I pay close attention to my process, so I can use it to help others.  Below are my ponderings as I traveled through this experience …..

I think about defeat and I feel defeat, and it’s uncomfortable to say the least.

My Inner Critic runs wild, she tells me “You see, you really couldn’t do it.”  “You see, I told you so”.  She says, “Who do you think you are anyway?”

My Inner Victim has a whole other voice and says things like “It’s not all my fault, I can’t be fully responsible for that”.

My Magical Child says “But everything was feeling so good, what went wrong?”  That’s when my Inner Critic jumps back in and says “You should have known better”.  This goes on and on, and they go round and round in circles.

Have you ever had those internal conversations before, where you feel like there are so many different voices?  There is a way through this…

I have learned to pause and sit back into myself and be a witness to all the different aspects of me. I listen to the conversations about defeat play out in front of me.

I sit with these thoughts and I tune into my body. Where does this feeling sit? I feel it in my solar plexus.  I feel it deeply, like a heavy lump just below my rib cage.  I know this feeling.  It triggers memories of times gone by when my body has felt the same way.  This experience is not an experience by itself, it is also triggering memories of all the previous times of self judgment.

So here I am, witnessing myself having all these conversations, witnessing this experience of triggering old wounds, and witnessing myself as the one who has discomfort in the stomach.

For a while I try to run away, let’s eat something. That should suppress it.  No, not working.  I know bourbon on the rocks. That will be the answer! Hmmm, a little bit better for a moment, oh no… it’s all back again.

And so I sit with it, and I accept the invitation to NOT suppress it. Rather to be in the experience, be WITH the experience.  I meditate and I’m reminded that within every experience there is always a gift, even the uncomfortable experiences… especially the uncomfortable experiences!

It’s a gift of showing the part of us that needs to heal, the part that perhaps hangs out in the shadows not seen and not wanting to be seen.  These uncomfortable experiences bring the need for healing to the forefront.

In my meditation I’m reminded of the fact that everything is on track and that this is the way it’s meant to be and it’s the way it’s meant to unfold.  And that the way I respond to the moment is absolutely 100% up to me.

So with this broader view, the reminders and these new feelings of certainty, I start to witness myself and the energy of ‘defeat’ of times gone by that sits in my solar plexus, and work on how to shift this feeling. How do I shift the energy, this blockage?

I draw on every resource I have….

Core Wisdom Holistic WellBeing

I breathe into it, rather than to push it down.  I breathe into the discomfort, I breathe through this discomfort.

I use essential oils on my skin and other technologies to shift my vibration.

I exercise, I shake, I move.  I use my physical body to move my energy body and therefore move the emotions.

I eat lightly and mindfully.

I come back to my inner voices and I ask them what they need.  I check in on what they believe.  Is it the belief of ‘not being enough’?  Is it the belief of ‘not being understood’? Is it a belief of ‘not knowing enough’?

As I work with my body and mind, I also work to reprogram my subconscious mind to clear the underlying beliefs that I have previously created.  As I shift my subconscious mind, my body and mind begin to balance.  The energy and emotion in my belly begin to subside.

I breathe deeply into the feeling, through the feeling but where am I going?  I’m returning to my center, to my Core Essence.

Core Wisdom Core and Ego Evolution

I’m breathing through to the core of who I am, I am returning to that whole, peaceful, compassionate and loving center.  I sit in that place in me, and from here, it’s true to say I give thanks for the experience. I thank the experience for guiding me to focus on the wounds that live in the shadows, and I feel that everything is absolutely on track.

The beauty of this experience was that in the end, IT WAS NOT DEFEAT AT ALL.  In fact, it was a wondrous step forward for everyone involved.  Thanks Life!

The key here is to LEAN into the experience, rather than suppress it or run away.  What are you being called to explore?  What is your discomfort wanting you to heal?

Love and Wisdom
Mandy

Do Boundaries Dam-up your Life or Create more Ease in your Flow?

Core Wisdom Boundary Flow 1 sm

There is a flow to life that, when we surrender to it, can take us in its current, filling our life with ease and grace. Can you image how creating boundaries can help you be in your flow?  You could easily be forgiven if the first image that comes to mind is that a boundary might in fact, reduce flow, like a dam across a river. So let’s explore this more.

Our life is a journey of creation and healing.  Many people focus on the establishment of a happier/healthier life and as part of this, begin to explore their spiritual nature.  Often when we begin to awaken to a deeper sense of ourselves, our core essence, we loose the ability to say NO when it’s needed. And we may fail to be clear with others when their behaviors are inappropriate towards us.  We tend to focus on being compassionate and understanding of their wounds.  We see them becoming triggered and witness issues playing out in relationships and life in general.

If we are present at our deepest core truth, we can even witness another treating US badly, and if we can stay centered, we can witness the other’s woundedness with compassion and send them love.  Depending on where we are on our own awakening journey, we may also witness our own ego/woundedness/beliefs being triggered in that moment.

Now here comes the necessity for boundaries….  We need to work within our own limitations!  That wounded/ego part of US still needs our loving awareness and needs to be honoured. Don’t leave that part of you exposed and not expect a backlash of some sort later.  If you pretend it is all ok, and in truth, it is not… (hello ego trigger coming forward now…) then you’re going to feel terrible.  Questioning why you’re letting yourself be walked over and be treated badly…

At this same moment our subconscious beliefs may also be playing out, e.g. “I’m not worthy of being treated well”, “I need to stay quiet to be safe” AND “It’s ok and normal for people to shout at one another”. These beliefs may have developed as a consequence of your own life experiences.  These limiting beliefs will play out when you attempt to stand up in that moment and tell the other “No, it’s not OK for you to treat me that way”, “I need you to tell me the truth” OR “It’s time we walked away from this relationship”.

You may think that the only reason to put boundaries in place is due to fear, i.e. “If you continue to behave that way, I’m going to feel rejected, hurt or get angry …. So just stop it would you!”  However, what if you put boundaries in out of love? Love for both yourself and the other.  We place boundaries in our lives because we love ourselves enough to know that we deserve to be treated with respect.  Now that feels like flow.

We place boundaries in our lives to help the other become aware of when they’re behaving in a triggered way.  We can do this out of love and with compassion.  Oh… hello Flow, I feel you again.

Love and Wisdom, Mandy

Why Do Anything?

Core Wisdom Why Do AnythingIt’s a question I have pondered many times in my life, in many different ways, and received answers from many different perspectives. We can look at our behaviours and feelings as a way of exploring this.

From one viewpoint we can see that social conditioning, society and family expectations profoundly influence what we do. If we look a little deeper we can link this to our values, our wounds and what gives us energy:

“I am driven through old wounds, my self-esteem is low so I must achieve great things in order to have a greater sense of myself.” (Been there, done that).

Or, “I am driven by wanting to make change in the world because of the upsets I have experienced and I don’t want others to go through the same hurt.” (Know that one too).

All of the answers give us new levels of awareness about our ego or personality and the way we see the world and others in it. This is the part of us that has developed as a consequence of this (and maybe other) lifetime’s experiences. Family, peers, environment all shaping us into who we are and what we do.

So if I step back into myself and witness from this deeper awareness, I see my personality and behavioral patterns playing out in the world. I can see the wounded and healed aspects of my personality and can understand, from this perspective, why I do what I do.

But if I stay in my core, that deeply peaceful, grateful, loving and joyful me, what is there to do? From this place, all the suffering I witness in myself and others is on track. There is perfection in the imperfection, there is potential for deep unfolding and a knowing within the confusion and despair.

From this perspective it feels like there is truly nothing to do. Then, why go on? Why live? Why life at all?

So I return to moments that hold me here, to experiences that I cherish. I return to my children because they are the purest experience of unconditional love: when time stops as we embrace in a hug; when we laugh at something random; when I witness them in their amazingness. There is nothing to do from this place, simply allow. Allow the joy of the moment, allow the love to penetrate deeply and nourishingly. There is no need to create, simply allow, because this is the truth of who we are at our core.

I broaden my gaze and recognise this same potential in every moment and with every meeting with another and with nature. What holds us back? Fear, judgment, old patterns. If we let go of all these, our core radiates through. Now that is something to be inspired by, that’s something to stick around for.

So I’ll stay with this new understanding of my ‘Why?’. I will remind myself that there is nothing to do, I simply allow joy in every moment, because it’s our natural state of being.

Love and Wisdom, Mandy

Flow in Death

Core Wisdom flow in death bath bombIn recent times I have been surrounded by death. Death’s of family friends, friends of friend, and connections through my work. Each of these moments has offered me an opportunity to pause and reflect upon life. For many these are opportunities to make choices to change, appreciate our existence more deeply, perhaps commit to a new way of being in the world (eating, exercise, relationships, use of time/energy).

We all process these times differently depending on our beliefs and levels of fear of death. I know some people that will not even discuss their death because of the discomfort it creates, while others seem to take it all in their stride.

Death is a part of the flow of life. We travel along in the flow of this physical existence until the point when we don’t. When we fear death it can feel like we are holding onto the edge of the river attempting not to let go, resisting what will eventually come to all of us.

To my thinking this seems like a waste of energy. Holding on, resisting something inevitable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not strapping on an outboard motor and speeding to my death. I’m actively making choices to support a long and healthy life.

I am however suggesting you drop the resistance and live the life that you want to live right now as you flow along. All of my family and friends know of my plans for my death. They know who is going to sing, who will ensure the ritual of dancing is done, who will orchestrate the painting on the sitting rock that looks out over the ocean. My niece recently offered to make bath bombs out of my ashes so I don’t get stuck up anyone’s nose as I’m launched off the cliff into the water. What fun it will be, sad for some I’m sure, but the clarity that this feels like it will create, brings deep peace to me. I no longer need to worry or resist. I can let go and enjoy my life.

Often there is regret when people die. Words were not said, forgiveness was not given or anger held onto as a position of power. I always make sure that when I leave my family and close friends that they know they are deeply loved by me. I also work to heal or balance relationships that need my focus so that I am at peace with my interactions and intentions. It may seem morbid, but I like the idea that if for any reason, perhaps an accident, that what remains is a knowing of being love.

Different religions have different concepts around death and the after life. I suggest you choose one that works for you, rather than perhaps taking the one handed down to you. I really like the idea of reincarnation, that we come back again and that there is a continuous unfolding and moving towards a deeper level of connection to our core essence. This again allows me to let go of the edges of my flowing river of life, because it feels so good. You choose, you research what works for you, perhaps there is nothing after death, perhaps there is heaven and hell. This is an important step to becoming peaceful with the process.

Avoidance is a common strategy when it comes to death, and rightly so, I do plan to avoid it for as long as possible. But I don’t do it with a sense of fear or resistance, more like a knowing and sense of acceptance. Prepare for your death and live you life in the flow, however you can. I don’t know what is really in store for me, but I have a sense that it is mystical and not really the end, and that feels exciting.

When we do face the death of our loved ones, it seems like the only thing to do is be authentic to our feelings. Allow the tears to flow if that is your authentic response. Release your anger without impacting others, if that’s authentic to you. Surrender to your feelings and trust that those around you will manage in there own way, and may even be inspired by you and join you in their own authentic way. Suppressing or resisting your emotions takes you out of the flow of your own life, like clinging to the edges of that river again. Release your emotions, let them flow until their own authentic completion. You’ll know what feels right for you.

Love and Wisdom

Mandy

How does your Inner Saboteur help you to get into life’s flow?

Saboteur

You know her, that part of you that seems to help you do anything BUT the thing you need to do!  She suggests you do the laundry before starting the article writing. She’s the one that says, you’ve eaten one biscuit, a second one won’t hurt now.  We all know her well, don’t we?  From this perspective I’m sure you’re wondering how in the world your Saboteur could help you get back into the flow of life!

Did you know that all archetypal patterns, e.g. the Victim, the Child, the Goddess are considered to be neutral, rather than judged as good or bad? Then why has the Saboteur been given such a bad rap? All archetypal patterns have both a shadow and light side. We are all aware that within the shadows are behaviours that are undermining us or others, but we have given no attention to the light side.  You don’t really hear of people singing the praises of the Saboteur.  I think I may be one of the very few people who love her!   Did you know she is considered the ‘Guardian of Choice’?  That means when we’ve brought our shadow tendencies into the light, we can see what we are doing to others or ourselves.  We are then able to behavior differently by recognising that we always have a CHOICE available at any given moment.

Do I sit in front of this TV for another 30mins and put myself under pressure to achieve my deadline or do I stand up right now and get into it?  A CHOICE. Not always an easy choice but a choice all the same.  Some people find themselves feeling like they simply don’t have a choice, but that’s really never the case.  It’s just a matter of weighing up the fallouts vs. benefits.  Some fallout is perceived to be far too big and it therefore feels like no choice is available.  When ‘change’ is involved, fear can creep in and it seems even less choices are available.  Each choice is one involving self esteem and self worth, each time we can either support ourselves or not, depending on how we are feeling.

This last couple of weeks have been a little crazy: my husband chopping his hand with an axe; 4 boys in hospital after our son’s footy match (not our son this time) and a few other uncomfortable experiences.  So my Saboteur showed herself in a few interestingly undermining ways.  She was working hand in hand with my Victim, but then she came to my rescue and I was reminded that in every moment there is a choice.  I can go into overwhelm or not.  I chose not, I breathed deeply into the discomfort, got the support I needed and had a good release (aka a cry), and here I am again feeling centered and supported.

Thank you Inner Saboteur, ‘Guardian of Choice’, I’m in the flow again.

The flow of life is always there.  Allowing it to move unrestricted through your life is the challenge and the journey.

The Saboteur is just one of the Archetypes we explore during the Pain to Purpose Program, If you’d like to read more about creating flow and this program click here.

Love and Wisdom
Mandy

(Saboteur Image above: Caroline Myss Guidance Cards)

Finding Flow in the Chemical Soup

Silhouette of a female in a yoga pose against a sunset sky with butterflies flying around

As I lie in my twisted yoga pose surrendering to the floor, surrendering to gravity and surrendering to deep relaxation, I can almost hear my body’s sigh of relief. It has been a very busy week, which included times of stress with adrenaline and cortisol pumping through my veins. These are the hormones our body releases to help us get through those crazy times, “Thanks body, you’ve served me well but now let’s changes my biochemistry please, you know we will burn out if we keep that going for too long.”

As I relax my body’s chemical soup begins to change. I listen to my yoga teachers voice as she reports back to us some finding from the Happiness and Wellbeing Conference recently held in Australia. She explains that there are 4 activities that allow our bodies to enjoy the feel good hormones of oxytocin and dopamine. Two of them are experienced only by woman during breast-feeding and childbirth. The third experience is sex, ok let’s say good sex. It was the 4th that I had not heard of and was captured by. Our body produces dopamine and oxytocin during the act of KINDNESS. “Awhh, how cool is that!”

We always knew kindness felt good and now we have deepened our understanding. I love that our bodies are hard wired to make YOU feel good when you’re acting in kindness in order to make ANOTHER feel good. That’s a great design feature. “Thanks Body!”

And now it’s time to move yoga position, it’s Yin Yoga today, which means slow movement and expended pose pauses. As I breathe into this new position of tilted hips and elevated legs I image the calming hormone serotonin being naturally triggered, giving me a sense of well-being, harmony and peacefulness. “Thanks Body”.

Our body is designed to support us through the ups and downs of life. Once we understand it’s amazing nature we can start to make wise choices to support it so that our system is optimised. In our world that defines success through our ‘bus-i-ness’ or ‘outputs’, it’s easy to minimize the need for quiet time. This has to change. We must recognise the fundamental necessity of allowing our body to flip out of the stress (flight and flight) mode and into relaxation (rest and digest) mode. Don’t worry about this if you don’t plan on sticking around for a long lifetime though!

It feels to me that there is a flow to life and a continual pull forward towards healing and transformation. The process involves exploring who we are and allowing the un-resourceful aspects of our personalities to be witnessed and healed to create wholeness. My learnt behavior is ‘don’t stop, there is always something that needs doing’ and if you do stop then guilt is the emotion that arises. A big learning in this lifetime for me is getting to a point of deep appreciation of relaxation and slowness.

The flow of life is ever present, our job is to allow it to take us.

3 Ways To Find Inner Peace By RADICALLY Accepting Your Life

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It’s hard, but SO worth it.

The main idea of radical acceptance is the ability to accept life “as it is”. The situations you face, the relationships you experience — all of it, just accept them.

Let’s think about that a little further and what it really means:

  • “I just lost my job… and I accept it.”
  • “My partner is controlling and jealous …and I accept it.”
  • “My child has started taking drugs… and I accept it.”

Now, if I’m honest, I’ve got to admit that there is part of me that says: “What the…?! How do I just accept this? Is that a reasonable or smart response? Surely, this just means that I’m giving up and living like a victim!”

Actually, this part of me is screwing up her face and thinking that this whole thing sounds ridiculous! She has a loud voice at times and if she was in the driver’s seat right now, this article would not be written.

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My Lesson in Stinky Flow

stinky flow 2 modThere is a flow to all of life, it feels great when you’re in it and rubbish when you’re not. I walked in from work the other day and the house smelt like poo. “This is not good”, I thought! I was met by my daughter who explained that she had been playing with her brother and let off a couple of stink bombs in their bedrooms. Initially I thought, that’s not too bad, but once I realised it was in the carpet, I was GRUMPY, YES GRUMPY …. ok, let’s call it what it really was …. I was ANGRY!

After inspecting the damage and ranting about their un-thoughtful behavior, I found myself looking for flow…. LITERALLY! We opened up the house and the cool breeze began to flow through relieving us of some of the stink. My heart rate began to return to normal and then we needed to address the next level of the problem. Does stink bomb residue last long and how do we deal with it in the carpet? Some elbow grease and carpet cleaner later and the house returned to harmony and flow.

Our life is always offering us opportunities to learn and grow, even in stinky ways. Each experience involves problem solving and challenges us to create boundaries to ensure the issue does not occur again. Then the invitation is to “drop it”. Drop the negativity, drop the grump and return to inner peace and flow.

Each step is vitally important:

  • Cultivate your inner witness and recognise the triggered emotion (wow, look at me I’m really angry right now)
  • Release the energy of the emotion – breathe, shake your body, walk/run, yell-away from others etc. (wow, I’m really caught in this anger right now, I need to move it though me)
  • Share your feelings with the others involved without yelling any damaging remarks
  • Create agreements of behavior and boundaries going forward (no stink bombs in the house!)
  • Choose to drop the story and the emotions fully
  • Forgive and return to the flow

The faster you can travel through this process, whether the problems are as small as stink bombs or as huge as a relationship break-up, the sooner you can return to your core of peacefulness. Each step needs to be honored so you get emotional relief and the best outcomes you need going forward.

Though, let’s get real, it’s super easy to move through these steps for stink bombs rather than for a divorce. But I believe the basic recipe is still the same. Obviously the process of relationship upheaval requires a lot of self-reflection and inner learning along the way, but ultimately the invitation is still the same. We are invited to learn through our life experiences, make the changes that are required, drop the story/negativity and find our way back to inner peace and the flow of life.

The flow of life is always there. Allowing it to move unrestricted through your life is the challenge and the journey.

Love and Wisdom

Mandy